My dad died 3 years. A fact which I still have a hard time getting used to. He was a very warm man. He had a trusting heart and he always aired on the side of forgiveness. He was deeply interested in people. If you met him, you instantly felt seen by him. He knew that the people in his life were his first priority.
My dad died upset that he had not accomplished more. He had not left this world with monetary riches. But he actually left this world a really wealthy man. He had 5 children and, at the time, 10 grandchildren (he now has 12 with one on the way) and a partner who he had renewed his vows with right before his passing. When my dad was in the active stage of dying his whole family was around him. As I looked at him I realized that, when we leave this earth we can’t take anything with us but the love. That is it. And I saw that he knew this too.
To this day I hold this lesson close to my heart, life is all about the connections we make and the people we make them with.
It is all about the people…
Connection is very important to human beings. We need it. And it makes us happier. We chase happiness in so many ways, but true connection is the way to find happiness. Something happens chemically in us when we are in service to other, give to other, receive from other etc. We are wired for attachment.
One of my yoga teachers, Stephanie Snyder, was asked to give a TED talk. I had always seen her as a very positive and optimistic person, but actually in this talk she spoke about her battle with depression. One of the branches of yoga is Karma Yoga or the yoga of service. She spoke about how being of service to others makes us feel good. If you would like to watch her talk (and I highly suggest you do!) just click on the link below:
Imagine that the antidote to depression is not isolation but actually connection. The key to contentment is not accumulating stuff but giving to others. This is a very different approach to our well being and mental health than just trying to fix the state of depression. We all will get depressed if we are without connection. This is a reasonable reaction to sourcing our contentment from inanimate objects. The fix may not always be in a pill or pathologizing our upbringing; but rather a radical lifestyle shift towards seeking more love in our lives. The idea that we just need more stuff is just false. What we need is more love, more nature and more connection. My father in law is a very happy person. His smile is infectious. When I first got to know him he was living in a small cottage in Tahoe living surviving on just his social security checks so he didn’t have to work. He was truly happy and content. More happy than I think he had been in his earlier years chasing monetary success, he finally had to time to connect with nature, take his dog for walks and talk to his children.
As I have returned back to the United States after living abroad I realize that the people in my life make me really happy. It feels good to love. My gratitude for others fills me with a deep contentment. It feels good to say “I really appreciate you”. When I leave this earth, I want to take with me the love and leave the rest. If you are feeling depressed, isolated, alone, reach out to someone you care about, volunteer at a local non profit, offer to take care of someone’s child, go for a walk with a dog, cross the divide between yourself and others. I promise, you will feel better…this is a radical new way of approaching your depression. Instead of thinking something is wrong with you, think something is right about craving connection. As always, I hope this is helpful to you.
From my heart to yours,